my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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