The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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