I seem to have left my pride at pride
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's official drugs can't kill me
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
