Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
