It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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