I wannas sexs uuuuu
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
