I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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