I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
