we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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