Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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