what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
