And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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