I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
