It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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