Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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