Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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