Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
