i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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