I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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