We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
