yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
