where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
