my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
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So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We were destined to go to rehab together
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I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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