Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
