Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
