That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
