grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
