I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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