So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
