so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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