absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
