You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
