New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It all started with a game of naked twister.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
