this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
