I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
