just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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