It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just had sex bonerless
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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