I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
