Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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