So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
