So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
