...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
