You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
