i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
