cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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