it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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