so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
