his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
