He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
