OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
