It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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