i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Who died my cat blue again?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
