Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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