its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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