The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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