Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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