I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
