I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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