i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
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Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
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We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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