I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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