I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
