I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
