No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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