Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
