Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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