Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
