I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
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He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
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They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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