he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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